What Is Fleabagging? Here’s How To Stop This Self-Sabotaging Behavior

It’ll take some effort to break old habits and to officially stop fleabagging yourself, but the good news is it can be done.

If you’re “fleabagging” yourself, it means you keep dating the same types of people over and over again, even though they’re bad for you.

Fleabaggin: this word comes from the character Fleabag, who was created and played by Phoebe Waller-Bridge on her show, aptly named Fleabag. Throughout the show, Fleabag has one love-related mishap after another and always seems to be let down by her romantic partners or make conflicting choices when it comes to love—and thus the term was born.

You never quite learn from past mistakes or take a different approach to find love but keep hoping for the best, only to be let disappointed time and time again.

There are plenty of ways to break the cycle and stop fleabagging yourself. Try these tips.

Recognize the problem

Recognizing your own unhealthy patterns is the best way to begin making a change. “You can’t fix it if you don’t realize it’s a problem to start with,” said the matchmaker Susan Trombetti.

When comparing your own dating habits with Fleabag’s, it’s important to ask yourself: Do you relate to any of her habits? Are you dating the same types of people depicted on the show? You may begin to see patterns emerging, and once they do, be honest but kind with yourself. If a habit isn’t working for you, it’s time to stop repeating it.

Keep working on your self-esteem.

Finding ways to boost your self-esteem can go a long way in keeping away toxic people and dead-end situations. Don’t know where to start? Try taking time to focus on yourself. It sounds too good to be true, but finding things you care about—like hobbies, spending time with friends, etc.—will all add up to improved confidence.

Get some outside perspective

Sometimes, simply swearing off a bad habit is enough to make it go away. A friend, family member, or therapist can help give some outside perspective as well as really good advice.
“Talk to a therapist that can help you get to the root of the problem,” Trombetti says.

Think about the qualities you want in a partner.

It’s natural to fall for a certain “type” of a person over and over again. But if your relationships haven’t been working out, consider focusing on who someone is at their core instead of getting caught up in their more superficial traits.

“It’s important to take a step back and think about what it is you need from a partner and what qualities you should be looking for versus what you have been looking for,” dating expert said. Think about these qualities and write them down. Do you want a partner who is loving? Loyal? Goal-oriented? Also ask yourself: What kind of partner do you want to stay away from?

Compare this new list to the people you’ve been typically drawn to in the past. My guess is they won’t share these same qualities—and that’s why it feels like you’ve been stuck in a cycle.

It’ll take some effort to break old habits and to officially stop fleabagging yourself, but the good news is it can be done.