How To Talk To Your Friend About Their Toxic Relationship, According To Experts

How should you approach a friend about their toxic relationship?

Dr. Jess suggests asking them about their relationship in general, rather than approaching your friend with judgment.

Try  with questions like “How’s it going with blank?” to get the ball rolling. “Your friend may seize the opportunity to unload or may temporarily clam up and spontaneously talk about the issue at a later date,” Dr. Manly explains.

The language you use while discussing your friend’s relationship is super important for making them feel comfortable opening up to you. Phrases like “I’m here for you,” “you deserve to feel good/validated/loved/safe,” and “relationships can be so challenging” reassure your friend that you are coming from a place of love and empathy.

“Share your own vulnerabilities. If you act as though you’re the expert and they’re the screw-up, they’re unlikely to want to open up.”

Avoid any language that shames or judges your friend, like “I knew there was something off about them.”
This can cause your friend to shut down and not be vulnerable with you in the future.

What should you do if a friend becomes defensive?

Using supportive and careful language hould make defensive behaviors less likely to happen, but sometimes, shame and fear causes people to put walls up anyway, according to Dr. Manly.
If your friend’s guard is up, remain calm and remind them that anything they share with you is confidential.
If your friend still won’t discuss their relationship with you, it’s okay to back off for a while.

“Rather than pressing the issue, if physical harm is not an issue in the toxic relationship, it’s fine to let the topic pass,” Dr. Manly says. ”

If talking about their relationship is off the table, you can focus on being a good friend in general by spending time with them. Continue to carefully ask about the relationship later on if your concerns persist.