There are many reasons why drifts take place: from a move/relocation to a friend getting married and/or having a baby to simply being busy. Friendships ebb and flow so any change or life event can cause some type of drift (big or small). Sometimes we may not even notice the drift until we realize we haven’t seen or talked to that friend in a while,” says author of Surviving Female Friendships: The Good, The Bad, and The Ugly Nicole Zangara, LCSW, in an interview with Bustle over email.
The truth is, people will come and go out of your life and you can learn so much from each of those relationships. However, if you feel like you’re growing apart from a current friend, here are five signs you might be right.
1. You Spend Less Time Together
While you don’t have to hang out with your buddy all the time, you no longer care to give an effort to do so — heck, you don’t even remember what their face looks like or what’s going on in their life. (OK, not that dramatic). “You two don’t talk as much anymore or the calls/texts/emails become less frequent. Maybe you used to get together at least once or twice a month and now the get togethers are every couple of months. It just depends on how often you see/talk to each other and what the norm for the friendship is — every friendship will be different in that aspect,” says Zangara.
2. You Don’t Reach Out To Them As Often As You Used To
Let’s be real: just liking your friend’s Instagram post doesn’t count. If you don’t remember the last time you actually had a conversation with them, then you might want to re-evaluate the friendship.”The communication becomes less frequent and/or you’re not talking as much (phone calls used to be a good 20 minutes and now they’re five). It just depends on the nature of your friendship and what is normal for that friendship. Maybe you’re the one who usually reaches out to schedule a coffee date, but you’ve stopped doing that. The more you back away, the more the distance of the drift.” says Zangara.
3. There Are More Negative Interactions Than Positive
You might be drifting apart from your friend if you feel like nothing positive is coming out of the friendship, especially if they constantly disappoint you, complain, or belittle you. If that’s the case, you want to say buh-bye to that friendship anyways to use that energy for something more awesome. “Research shows that healthy relationships need a positivity/negative ratio of 5:1, meaning that we need five deposits in our love banks for every withdrawal. When our friendships start feeling more draining or exhausting, we can often start pulling away. If we are harboring feelings of frustration, annoyance, or obligation — chances are high that unless they are intentionally addressed, your desire to stay engaged will start to drift apart,” says founder of GirlFriendCircles.com Shasta Nelson in an interview with Bustle over email.
4. You’re Holding Things Back
A great friendship relies on being vulnerable with one another. So it’s natural for someone to drift away from a friend if they hold things back and just have a surface-level relationship. “If we sense ourselves holding back from sharing things about our lives — that’s often a sign that something isn’t feeling safe in the friendship,” says Nelson.
5. You Feel A Disconnect Between You And Your Friend
Sometimes that strong blood-sister/brother bond you once had with your bestie is no longer there. You don’t know why, but you feel like you don’t know who your friend is anymore. And even though you feel this way, you don’t have a desire to fix it. “It might be that we don’t feel like she’d interested in our lives, or that the time together is too rushed, or that we’re afraid of feeling judged. If we catch ourselves clamming up, or sense that she is, then the friendship is at risk of either plating or drifting apart because all of us ultimately want to be seen and accepted by our friends,” says Nelson.
